Undimmed it will burn...

Things have been to much for me lately, but not in a bad way. So much has happened in the last couple weeks I hardly know whats is going on! It is as if I know what has happened over the last few weeks, but at the same time I don't.

I have been challenged. The Lord has definitely been showing me his will in my life. A few weeks ago is when things started to happen. Small things, but soon they grew. The lord was testing. I was frustrated and confused, not knowing what was going on. I felt like everything was just going straight downhill and I had no breaks to slow down. It was then that I realized what the Lord was doing. I thought to myself, "what if this is Gods way of teaching me something?" Boy was I right! Over the last few weeks I have been waiting to see what the Lord has for me. I believe that he has put it on my heart to trust in him, fully. I recently purchased a new devotional book and the first couple devotions I have read in it are about trusting in God. In the one reading the author states this,

"Beloved, never try to get out of a dark place except in God's timing and in His way. A time of trouble and darkness is meant to teach you lessons you desperately need."

I knew right then that what the Lord has been trying to tell me. As it says in Isaiah 50:11, I need to wait for the Lord light in the darkness and not attempt to light my own torch to see. I have found that in this lesson, it has brought great peace. As cheesy as that may sound it is true. Since I have been relying on the Lord in stressful and "dark" situations, I have found myself to be more at ease with life in general. The fact of knowing that He is in control is calming to me. I know that He knows what is best for me and that He will lead me down the path I need to go down. Believe me, at this time and point is has been needed. I praise the Lord for allowing things to happen in my life, because I know that I will learn from them. just like it says in James 1:2-4,

"Consider it pure joy my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not laking in anything."

Parents. I dont know where I would be without my parents. I am so glad that I have the parents I do. My parents have been such a help to me throughout all my life. My mother has always been there to help me through things, to teach me and encourage. My father has always been there to offer wisdom and understanding of things I am not sure about. I am truly blessed to have such great parents. I only wish that I will grow up and mature to be as great as they are.

Boy oh boy, where to begin with the rest of everything happening in my life lol. Well, My computer died the other week, leaving me to redo a lot of homework and such. That was not fun at all. My vans breaks also went out and I had to get them fixed. The place down here wanted a ton of money to fix em, but the place in Cadillac told me they could do it for half price. So I drove all the way home in a snow storm with no breaks. The Lord is amazing I tell you what! and now my stereo has completely died on me as well. It seems things really like to get broke around me lol. But all is ok with me, for like I mention, I am trusting in the Lord. The Lord has put several other things on my heart as well. These things are still in the working I believe because I am still not sure where to go with them. My relationships are being evaluated and I need wisdom from the Lord to show me what to do. All in all, I cannot say it enough, how great our Lord is.

I could go on and on about what has been happening with this, that, work, school etc. But I would be up all night writing about such. I called this Night Thoughts for a reason, not night journaling lol.

Until next time....

"Trust is the most important component of any relationship. If you do not trust a person, you probably do not consider them your friend. The building blocks of friendship are based on sharing the deepest parts of yourself and believing that they will be held sacred. You believe this about your friend and he believes it about you. The more you trust each other, the deeper the friendship that you have built. If you don't have trust in your friend, you don't have a friendship."

Hard to handle, and hard to forget...

Well, I dont really know where to start this one. There have been so many things happening lately that I dont know what to make of half of it.

I took a trip to Florida with my family a couple weeks ago! It was so much fun! It really made me realize how much I actually miss my family. I dont get to see them a whole lot and when I do it really means a lot. But being on a vacation with them again really made it special. That and getting to see my grandpa and grandma again as well. Its one of those things where, you dont know how much long they will be around. I know that is a depressing thing to say, but its true. I know they are getting older and with that means you dont know what could happen. So seeing them as often as I can really means a lot to me. I dont know where I would be without my grandpa and grandma. My grandpa has taught me a lot of what I know. Growing up with he was always teaching me knew things, and I now cherish those skills I do have because I know it was him who gave them to me. My grandma is the one who has always been there to encourage me. She always has the right thing to say in every situation to make you feel great. I Love my family and I am blessed to have been born into such a great one at that! :D

I have also had a few things that have been a downer lately too. I dont really feel like saying a lot about them I guess. I know that what has happened is because it is what the Lord has wanted to happen. But I struggle with that at the same time. I wanted things to work in out in my favor that I lost sight of what was really going on, maybe the Lord is teaching me something? I cant say I am over things though. They were things that were on my heart for a really long time, and its hard to just erase all that happened. I question myself when I think about it, I even doubt my decisions. I know that what happened, happened for a reason. But I just cant get over the outcome yet, I wish things would have turned out differently. Thats life though, you dont always get what you want, and you have to just live with it. That for me is one of the hardest things, I feel like a piece of me is being left behind. I dont like that. my relations with others is one of the most important things in my life, when somethings goes wrong it really hurts me.

I just went on a trip of a life time as well! My first official road trip without my parents and with the best friends in the world! We went down to Bob Jones University to see Heidi and Rachel for the first time! It was such a fun trip! I was really nervous though when we first got there. I am not exactly Bob Jones savy you could say. But all in all it turned out not so bad. I really miss Heidi though. Honestly I dont think I could keep my sanity without her. She is by far the best friend a person could have. she is always there to talk to, and she knows how to cheer you up. I love her a lot. Be jealous, because I have the best friend ever! :P

I have not been feeling well lately as well. Not as in feeling sick, but just not doing well physically. I have been having these dizzy spells off and on for the last few weeks. I dont know what is causing them. But it has really started to effect me a lot lately. Doc says I might have a Iron deficiantsy...(or however you spell that, spell check is not working!). I have had to change my diet and everything, even start taking vitamins. which for me is a total change. I have never had to do anything for my diet. I eat what I eat and thats it. I have never taken any pills or supplements to change anything ever! I guess things are finally starting to catch up with me.

I am so excited to go to Africa! I cannot wait for my missions trip in May! I finally get to go on a real missions trip, go out of the country, and see the world! I know that the Lord has many great things in store for the trip! There are no words to describe how happy I am for this opportunity! I am nervous and excited all at the same time! woah!

Well, I am done for now. I need to get some sleep. Yet another thing that seems to finally be making an impact on my life. Why oh why cant I sleep! lol

Until next time...

"If you would attain to what you are not yet, you must always be displeased by what you are. For where you are pleased with yourself there you have remained. Keep adding, keep walking, keep advancing." ~Saint Augustine

Life as we know it...

Well, life just keeps getting more and more interesting. I continue to thank the Lord everyday though for my friends and family, I am so blessed to have them in my life. This last month has been pretty interesting. I have learned a lot of new things, made mistakes, made decisions, and of course went on living life the best I could.

I just started my semester with my new classes, and I love them! They are such great classes! I actually pay attention the whole class period, rather than fall asleep in class lol. My Criminology class is super interesting. There are so many things about the subject that I just never knew! It has only been a few weeks now since class started and I feel like I know the subject like that back of my hand, even though there is a ton more to learn! I think its going to be a great semester school wise.

This semester also seems to be very long, or is going to be at least. With work and school I am busy constantly. The times I do get off to hang out with friends and such are what I truly love! When I have not seen people or hung out in a few days, I get super antsy! Heck, for that matter it happens after one day! One of my biggest fears in life is not spiders, or being hurt and such. My biggest fear is being alone. If there is one things that makes me more nervous and that will freak me out, its being alone. I cannot handle it. It does not matter when or where either. Even if there is another person in the room and there is no talking. Just as long as I am not left to my lonesome and my thoughts... one of my biggest enemies a lot of the time.

This semester I have also learned a lot, and not in school. I feel that the Lord has been really working in my life. I have my choices in the last few weeks that I know will have an impact on the future. There is so much I could talk about. One thing is how I act. My actions need to reflect the way I live, and who I live for. That is one thing I am working on changing. There has been one thing that has been on my mind for the last month or so as well. I wanted to jump forward on a decision I was sure of. I wanted to let everything out that was in my head. Though after thinking it over, I made the choice not to go through with it. Its one thing that I feel like I need to keep to myself for now....

Again I am going to write about Heidi. If it were not for Heidi, I might be in a mental hospital right now! she is such a great friend and is the one who keeps me sane during times where I feel like going insane. Whenever I need her she is always there with words of encouragement and wisdom. She by far is one of the most amazing people I have ever met! It is quite sad though that she has to live so far away. I miss her a lot! and thats not even an exaggeration. I really do! She is the person that knows me inside and out, no one else knows me like Heidi. I cannot wait till I can see her again.

Well, that about sums things up for now.... Until next time...

"Everyone is fighting their own battle.

To be free from their past.

To live in their present.

And to create their future."

Only question is....whats yours?