pure confusion and frustration

Well, I am to the point of confusion and frustration where I just dont know where to go from here. Lately in my life there has been a certain situation that has come up. I had thought about it constantly and constantly. I was to the point where I had things settled in my head. Then things started to fit into place it seemed, things were going down the road I wanted them too. I was happy, excited, joyous even! Everything seemed to be falling into place and I was overwhelmed. Then I decided to take a step forward because I thought everything was going well. Thats when everything crashed. Everything that I thought was happening, and that i thought was going well....was actually not. A whole new perspective was thrown on my plate and put me in a daze. All that I had been so excited about was now turning to pure confusion and frustration. I was confused because everything seemed as if clear, as if it was real and what I thought it was. and then to frustration because it wasnt, it was nothing of what I thought it was even though it appeared to be. So now I am left in a state of just utter....I dont know! Its like I am in a boat with huge waves crashing into it, rocking me back and forth. I know I can gain control if I just reach for the controls, but yet I just sit there and stare into nothing....just hoping that it will all go away. But it doesnt, its something that once out can never be put back, and that is what I struggle with the most. Should I have come out with it or should I have kept it to myself? ....after all that I have seen happen from it, I should have kept it to myself......

"I can remember the frustration of not knowing whats going to happen. I knew what I wanted to say, but I could not get the words out."